Israeli NGO’s preparing Flotilla from Ashdod to Dublin*


A Guest Post by AKUS

Israeli NGOs horrified by the developing humanitarian crisis in Ireland have organized a flotilla called Viva Dublina. A spokesman for Viva Dublina said:  “We are horrified by the developing humanitarian crisis in Ireland!”  Viva Dublina has been loaned one of the world’s largest luxury cruise liners by an Israeli shipping mogul to act as a flotilla from Ashdod to Dublin.  The mogul wrote a letter to Ha’aretz saying: “I am horrified by the developing humanitarian crisis in Ireland!” The ship will be used to return the useless junk and out of date medications sent on flotillas manned by anti-Israeli Irish activists that are currently clogging the warehouses in Ashdod after Hamas refused to accept the “donations”. Egypt has asked if the flotilla can stop in El Arish to take similar “donations” that are clogging the warehouses there. Egypt says it prefers to use its warehouses to store kassam rocket parts and Mercedes-Benz sedans for Hamas.

Approximately 800 foreign correspondents currently based in the King David Hotel in Jerusalem who are horrified by the developing humanitarian crisis in Ireland will be offered accommodation on board at special rates, tips included, for the cruise. The ship will be renamed “Danny Boy” for the trip. A 10 year-old Druze girl from Daliyat el-Carmel has said she hacked the ship’s IT system with a virus she calls “Sucksnet” and programmed the ship’s siren to play “When Irish Eyes are Smiling”  in an effort to cheer the Irish up when the ship pulls into Dublin Harbor.

Turkey rejected a request to fly the Turkish flag and declared that the only flotillas it would recognize are those between Libya and the Turkish Republic of Cyprus. Turkey has offered to provide 25 IHH terrorists armed with various weapons to travel on the flotilla if Israel would agree to let them infiltrate Belfast after they arrive. Britain has asked Israel to send the Dubai hit team to Belfast to take care of this problem as international law does not prevent terrorists traveling the high seas to Ireland. Israel agreed provided that Britain provides 30 tennis rackets so the team would be cleverly disguised while wandering around the Grand Belfast Hotel. While inspecting oil-drilling sites on the Falkland Islands Britain’s Prime Minister said: “Ireland has been the world’s largest open air prison camp for centuries, and we intend to keep it that way!”

The flotilla will carry 10,000 balloons, 5,000 coloring books, 3,000 blue and white crayons and a textbook, in Hebrew, titled “Basic Economics – How to Keep your House in Order by not Poking your Nose into other Peoples’ Business” for the Irish Minister of Finance, who is known as the Pfoo-Yuk of the An Roinn Airgeadais. There are also cheerful drawings donated by Israeli children expressing solidarity with the starving children of Ireland. Israeli flags will be flown in ahead of the flotilla’s expected arrival date by El Al for the poor children of Dublin to wave as they line the port waiting for the ship to arrive.

In order to alleviate any possibility of another potato famine, the flotilla intends to carry 2 million boxes of matzoh that have been in storage at Mt. Sinai since the Exodus from Egypt and possibly are no longer Kosher L’Pesach. However, since matzoh have a long shelf life (3,000 years, in fact) it is hoped that this will see the Irish through the crisis. The new mayor of Carrickmacross called the decision by the previous council to tear the page signed by the Israeli ambassador out of the old visitors book “an unfortunate misunderstanding”. The hungry residents dismissed the previous town council and bought a new visitors book when they heard about the shipment of matzo in the hope of attracting matzoh-bearing Israelis to their town.


Premier Shimon Peres, Nobel Peace Prize winner, will accompany the flotilla in order to draw attention to the plight of the Irish. He has been invited to sign the visitor book at Carrickmacross provided he brings a box of matzoh with him.  Peres hopes to meet with the Irish Nobel Peace Prize winner Mairead Corrigan, who won her prize for not actually making peace in Northern Ireland. Peres said: “I will share some ideas about making peace with the goyim that I heard from my Bubbe back in the old country”. Mairead Corrigan recently had a brief all-expenses paid trip to Israel, which she enjoyed so much she attempted to remain even when politely shown the door after it was explained that Israel only accepts refugees from the Sudan.

Israel’s ambassador to the UN, noting that there are reports of Irish refugees fleeing to places as far afield as Edmonton, Canada, will propose that UNRWA’s $1 billion per annum budget be directed to Ireland to help the 4.4 million Irish refugees in Ireland and their descendents to live at the level to which the people of Gaza have become accustomed. An entrepreneur from Gaza was recently seen scouting locations in Dublin for the first Roots restaurant combined with an Islamic cultural center, school and mall filled with Israeli products to be opened outside of Gaza City. He is appealing to the US government for a Federal Grant or USAID money to fund the cultural center. The Saudis have generously offered to fly their surplus textbooks from Mecca to Ashdod to load onto the flotilla for use at the new school.

George Galloway, Lauren Booth, Ken Loach and Tony Greenstein have written a letter to the Guardian condemning the Viva Dublina flotilla in the harshest terms. It is, they wrote, nothing more than a blatant publicity stunt that will do nothing to alleviate the suffering of the Irish. The Viva Dublina organizers have shamelessly countered by saying they absolutely agree with them, but what do they think the purpose of a flotilla is if not a blatant publicity stunt? At this time they have not received a response from the signatories to the letter.

*Satire

65 comments on “Israeli NGO’s preparing Flotilla from Ashdod to Dublin*

  1. Steady on Ariella, whilst I don’t agree with DK’s comments I think it’s a bit harsh to accuse him of being a “Jew-hater of the first order” based on what he has said, (and I hope this thread doesn’t turn him into one!).

    It was clearly stated from the outset that the offending article was satire and intended in jest. Personally I don’t believe it is an insult to Israelis or the Irish and I don’t think any of the Irish people I know (on both sides of the border) would take offense at it, (in fact most would find it amusing and are well able to laugh at themselves). However DK is entitled to his opinion and doesn’t deserve to be labeled or accused of being a Jew hater or Israel hater for doing so. I have re-read his comments several times and can’t see how you have drawn this conclusion?

    Or maybe I also don’t have “half an ounce of sense” and have missed the point?

  2. @ Hawkeye

    Thanks for your more measured response this time. I’m not sure how my position on the flotilla in June is really relevant to clarify my criticism of this article on CIF Watch, but perhaps it will be useful just to demonstrate that there are more than just two positions that one take on this sensitive issue.

    In summary, my opinion is that the June flotilla was organised as a disruptive, public protest and deliberately designed to test Israel’s response in the media. I don’t see the organisers of the Free Gaza Movement as heroes at all. On the other hand, my opinion of the violent response from the IDF is that it was disproportionate, ill-advised in international waters and the use of live fire completely unnecessary.

  3. @ Ariella

    You didn’t take any of my points on board and just launched into a personal tirade against me. Please take the time to read my post again and try to understand the point I was trying to make.

    Regarding whether I know any Israelis, I have been dating and living with one for several years, and through her family and acquaintances have made many Israeli friends both inside and outside of Israel.

    To call me a Jew-hater is a bit strong and I don’t think my partner would be very happy if that were the case. None of my references were Freudian. I’m not trying to perform psycho-analysis here and Freud would be the last person I would invoke if I were. I am merely stating that the position of many posters on CIF Watch is simply a variation of “if you are not with us 100%, you must be against us”.

    Ariella, by labeling me a Jew-hater in your post, you have shown my criticism to be a valid one. “Jew-hater” is a loaded expression and by using it so freely, you are taking away any meaning it has left any more.

  4. @ Hawkeye, AKUS, Ariella

    I didn’t intend this to turn into a flame war, so I will just make one final point to clarify:

    CIF Watch was set up to monitor anti-semitism and bigotry in the online community. It’s intended aim is to expose those with a hateful agenda. There is clearly a role for this.

    Question:
    Do you genuinely believe that this satiric article is an intelligent piece of writing that fits in with your goal, that helps to expose bigots online and contributes to a balanced, rational discussion on these important issues?

    If your answer is [Yes], we clearly see the world in different ways. If your answer is [No], perhaps you should consider more carefully what articles to post on your site.

    That’s all I have to say.

  5. Pingback: Israelische NGOs bereiten Hilfsflottille von Ashdod nach Dublin vor* « abseits vom mainstream – heplev

  6. In my opinion the piece as satire was cute and shouldn’t be taken all that seriously. I have to point out that Shimon Perez is the President of Israel not the Primier. Bibi Natanyahu is the Prime Minister ( for now).

    Shalom v’ kol tuv

  7. David Kelly, I, too, would not want this to degenerate into a flame war and I mean this very politely: you should really try to get over yourself.

  8. Mr Kelly, a word to the wise and then let’s leave this be, shall we:

    The people who run CiFWatch are probably under strain for some if not most of the time given the muck that is churned out about Israel and Jews that they are required to wade through.

    If you had worked in the medical field, as I have, you would recognise that humour is an excellent antidote to extreme stress and strain, and could you have seen yourself as you are perceived as a result of that first post above you would not have presumed to wag your finger here about what should or should not be CiFWatch’s focus. You would have ignored the article rather than got on your high horse about it.

    Because you didn’t get the joke does not confer on you the right to pass judgement on the makers of the joke or those who did get it.

    Accept it and, as Snigger has written above, get over yourself.

  9. I do “get” the satire. It is blindingly obvious. Any ten-year-old can get it. It is riddled with cliches and stereotypes of the Irish and even makes a poke at the Irish famine (just for the laugh). If a similar piece were written about Israel, I don’t need to spell out how it would be treated by everyone who as commented to this article. There would be a lot of “high horses”.

    My issue isn’t whether this was intended as satire/humour or not. My issue is that the double-standards inherent on this website take away from its core objective. There are plenty of other websites dedicated to racist humour, where you could back-slap each other.

    I’m still waiting for a single person to respond to my question (posted above).

  10. “…I do “get” the satire. It is blindingly obvious….”

    Er.. no you don’t. If you did then you would not still be whingeing here David Kelly. Why has it escaped you that the satire was at the expense of the flotillistas and not Ireland?

    As I have already said, get over yourself.

  11. I agree with my near namesake; this was a bile-laden, petty-minded, unfunny post that doesn’t come under the sttated remit of CifWatch at all; it merely makes the people associated with the website, and those who have praised them in this thread, appear malevolent and bigoted.

  12. Mr Karr

    You should copy/paste your comment about bigotry and malevolency into the guestbook of the Carrickmacross council.
    While other nations must save Ireland from bankruptcy, certain Irish citizens with a lot of free time and spare money are wasting financial resources to help destroying Israel – masquerading as a humanitarian act. When someone makes a joke of this, you are simply shocked.
    You just successfully proved the well known assertion that selfrighteous bigots have no sense of humor.

  13. David Karr, feel better now? Good.

    Now look up “satire” in the dictionary, and read the article again and again until you understand at whom the satire is directed.

    Then come talk to the grown ups.

    PS: Your teddy is in the corner.

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